Fervently Fruitful

Conjuring a Feminine Revival

I have been ruminating on what femininity means, why it feels significant to me, and how this word can represent such an abundance of meaning. I am coming to see this concept as a sort of framework for how I want to exist in the world, an idea that I already embody by virtue of my female-ness, but which I can stray from when not properly nourished or taken care of. A word that represents that which feels like a foundation to me, something I need to pay attention to and hone, to not lose sight of on the weary days in this sometimes wretched world.

I asked recently on my Instagram page what feelings the word “femininity” evoked in those who wished to reply. The overwhelming theme I noticed as I read through the responses was a sort of harmonious balance between words that represented capacity (power, strength, creativity) and words that represented agreeableness (softness, gentleness, nurturing, tender). The bridge between these perceptions is of course female physiology and experience-because first and foremost-to be feminine is to be female.

“A Congenial Task” by John William Godward, 1915

Let’s consider then, the root word of both female and feminine, fem. What an interesting rabbit hole these three letters could absolutely turn into. In inquiring to the etymology of this root word, I came across the fact that it is from both the Old French “femme” and the Medieval Latin “femella”, both just words for a female human, but the really compelling bit is the PIE root (a Proto-Indo-European basic part of different words that has a lexical meaning that usually is verbal in nature) of fem means “she who suckles”.

From what is apparently rapidly shaping up to be my favorite website on the inter-webs, Etymology Online, here is the description of this PIE root (which is “dhe-i” by the way):

“The hypothetical source of/evidence for its existence is provided by: Sanskrit dhayati "sucks," dhayah "nourishing;" Greek thēlē "mother's breast, nipple," thēlys "female, fruitful;" Latin felare "to suck," femina "woman" ("she who suckles"), felix"happy, auspicious, fruitful," fetus "offspring, pregnancy;" fecundus "fruitful, fertile, productive; rich, abundant;" Old Church Slavonic dojiti "to suckle," dojilica "nurse," deti "child;" Lithuanian dėlė "leech;" Old Prussian dadan "milk;" Gothic daddjan "to suckle;" Old Swedish dia "suckle;" Old High German tila "female breast;" Old Irish denaim"I suck," dinu "lamb."

Suckling, nursing, milk, child, abundant, fruitful, pregnancy, fertile, happy, breast, nourishing. Do you see a pattern? The word created for us-women- is an inheritance of creation, riches, joy. A word that ties us to our babies, born from us. Femininity is the land of milk and honey, and it is our imperative to tap into the well within us and let it drip.

The root word “fem” then, is irrevocably bound to our female bodies. A word that was inspired by milk and breasts and pregnancy cannot represent anyone who is not born with this vital capacity. This is why when men are described as “effeminate” or when I see the word “femme” mainly being defined as related to certain males who want to be women, I scoff. Yes, there are males who display some of the attributes tied to femininity. But they are not feminine because they are not female. They are displaying a uniquely male version of what they personally define femininity as. The same goes for women who are described as being masculine. This is where we get into stereotypes.

Femininity is one of those words that carries a lot of baggage. A word that some may scoff at, that some may put on a pedestal. It holds a lot of weight, weight that is fraught with bits and pieces of history and the legacy of female experience. It is often used as a more polite stand-in for a multitude of stereotypes. This makes it easy to write off for some, and I can understand why. However, this is a word that comes to me over and over again, demanding my attention and begging for a bit of studious investigation and devoted meditation.

If fem has its foundation in physiology, then femininity is a concept to expand on the qualities that accompany our physiology and the experiences that that physiology make reality for us. If we must be the sex who suckle the babies, who birth them, who therefore are compelled to savagely protect them, and who also create the lust that brings upon their conception-this demands some certain attributes of our character. These attributes are what I believe those that are commonly coded as “feminine”. These are the things that truly make me feel that the often parroted “gender is a social construct” is itself in fact a social construct.

This is not to say every women is tender and sweet and submissive and gentle all of the time in some sort of glaring and obvious way. This isn’t to say that there are not exceptions, because for every rule there are always exceptions. This also isn’t to say that if a woman doesn’t or cannot utilize her reproductive capacity that she isn’t fully woman. It is to say that to be feminine means a great many of things, and those things all are informed by the creative energy that is ever-present within our bodies, in our centers, warm and glowing and purring with anticipation for when it can be properly channeled into whatever formation it is meant for.

“After the Bath” by Joseph Lorusso

The reason we should name and recognize what this essence of female-ness is, is because others-both on a micro (personal relationships, employers, etc.) and macro (society, institutions, etc.) levels- are prone to taking advantage of this essential quality of the female. Modern society is particularly inclined to the “hacking” of the feminine versus the revering of it, and to the detriment of all people. We see this in various forms, the obvious example being the encouragement of women to invite and welcome kindly males into their most private spaces.

Many women bend to the will of this subversive societal whim specifically due to what many would say are some of their more “feminine” inclinations- the impulse to be seen as kind above all things, the nurturing spirit that has empathy for the person who says they are suffering. This is a misplaced mothering instinct and the people who want trans ideology to thrive are thrilled to grab hold of it with a vice grip. Not to mention the fact that many qualities that are labeled as feminine tend to be looked down upon, to the point that many women outright reject them, while meanwhile the males whose gender delusions are being coddled are allowed to embrace these qualities with open arms and are in fact celebrated and lauded for doing so. Males posturing themselves in a feminine manner is now good, females being inherently feminine is now bad- this is why a revival of the true feminine is needed.

Another example is how the market subverts the mother’s feminine instinct to provide for her children. Rather than giving the modern mother the space and freedom to do what she often most desires to do-mother-the market tells her that in order for her children to truly thrive, she must consume. Consume the best organic toddler clothing, the most non-toxic toys, the perfect child’s mattress and bedding, glass bottles and car seats that cost upward of $400. Don’t get me wrong- I am a sucker for some beautiful wooden toys and have probably about 500 dollars worth of organic cloth diapers stuffed in closet somewhere. The issue is when the manufactured “need” for the best of all things in every category is so consuming and expensive that it takes the mother away from the child.

This is the same for expensive private school, endless enrichment activities, multiple sports….the list goes on. Providing the best tennis shoes and soccer and gymnastics and stroller systems that cost more than my mortgage usually means sacrifice. The sacrifice being the most valuable thing a woman can provide-herself. She is taken out of the home and away to a workplace that will pay for these activities that then consume another precious resource, time. This also sells the lie that babies are an expensive burden and I would wager a solid guess that this is just another contributing factor to culture becoming more and more sterile in nature-less babies, more female economic input, less females knowing their true power- that is until Nature comes back to bite us for this most serious crime with a ferocity that is in itself a truly feminine force.

There is something afoot here, a sort of twisting of human nature at play, that ignites in me a need to know my femininity so intimately so as to arm myself with it. When I asked others about their insight related to this expansive concept, I was asking myself the same questions. The words that came to mind for me are listed as follows-

fruitful

sweet

luminous

discerning

beautiful

sensual

tempered

vital

severe

It is not lost on me that that PIE root referenced above that is the basis for female is the same one for fruitful. This can be a biblical reference of course, and this can be taken most literally as well- to produce lots of offspring, and both aspects of this word are relevant to the concept of femininity. I prefer to think on this in a more spacious manner though. The idea of being fruitful as being helpful and productive- to take any one thing and make it better, make it more abundant, make it expand into it’s highest form. This is what femininity is to me-and this is significant because to be fervently fruitful is to be an antidote to the sterility culture I oppose so heartily. To oppose something that opposes my very nature requires that severity I mention above.

The severity of the feminine is tempered with the sweetness of the feminine so as to be able to protect and discipline and love and comfort our children (and ourselves) with equal measure. The severity of the feminine requires a honed skill of discernment so as not to weaponize ourselves where it does not matter, so we can best utilize our strength. The severity of our feminine beauty and sensuality is required to bring our most vital forces forth in the literal sense. I have all the confidence that the severity of the female is what will create an alternative to the systems of the world that are currently sick and dying. The severity of the female is what allows us to move through the pain of childbirth and the intensity of nursing our babies. All of this is dealing in matters of life. Femininity is the living anthology of female life experience, a collection of treasures that are worth the life it inhibits and the lives it creates. I hope and pray for the revival of this brand of femininity.

In closing, I leave you with the opening passage of Rudyard Kipling’s “The Female of the Species”:

“WHEN the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
    He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
    But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.”