Illuminated Potentiality

Titles to inform the female body and spirit

My good friend

Amber Adrian

(via

Catie

) tagged me to share five books that have most impacted the way I live my life, the original source of the prompt was the below post from

Patterns for Life

:

As I wrote my response, I realized the titles I chose are all very much related to the female body and experience. In choosing books that have truly impacted my life, I realized that I searched these sorts of books out due to an innate sense of misalignment with what I had been taught and what I had experienced in my younger life and what the truth about what it means to be a woman is. I feel that these titles found their way to me in order to give me the gift of viewing my own physiological potentiality and therefore, also my spiritual and intellectual potentiality (which I feel we can better access when we are in alignment with physiology). As I wrote this as a “note” on here, I also ran out of space—I am forever a long form girly I suppose. I want to also say that my taste in what I choose to read now has shifted to the more sociological and philosophical and historical but reading these books in earlier times of motherhood and womanhood really did impact the baseline of how I live. I feel like I am likely forgetting titles that I do not own or which have been borrowed and never returned but these are the ones that stood out to me after going through my book shelf this morning:

•The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff- This is the book I suggest others read as they approach becoming mothers (and fathers!), if I am ever asked. Written from an anthropological standpoint, Liedloff details her “search for happiness lost” in humanity. She writes of the expectations that the human body and mind are born with, these expectations existing within a continuum, and how the meeting of or ignoring of these expectations impacts human behavior and potential. The expectations include seemingly basic things like closeness to the mother that modern society takes for granted and devalues—at our expense. The premise is that in ignoring these basic expectation (needs) we are hobbling our full potential, as when they are met, we grow to become not only self reliant but also have access to the total genius of our brains and bodies.

A quote from the book:

“A culture which requires people to live in a way for which their evolution has not prepared them, which does not fulfill their innate expectations and therefore pushes their adaptability beyond its limits, is bound to damage their personalities.”

•Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin*- I bought an old copy on a whim at a used bookstore and was randomly (perhaps not so randomly?) compelled to read it in its entirety the night before I went into labor with my first child. Reading the endless birth stories that posed childbirth as a natural fact of life, an act women come to by way of their female-ness, and an act they simply are meant to engage in was revolutionarily and radically inspiring. I had read the unfortunate classic “What to Expect” books early on in that pregnancy and the stark contrast between the endless problems and pathologies in those versus the focus on the brilliance of women and women’s bodies in Gaskin’s work was glaring. Reading those stories absolutely shifted my whole perception of birth and enabled me to make certain choices in the birth I myself engaged in the very next evening. Birth stories that aren’t a combination of horror porn and self-flagellation and instead are simple, true and encouraging do have an immense amount of power in that they show women what we are not typically shown- the fact that we are made for birth and that it is in fact, very ordinary. The psychedelic tone of the art and wording isn’t my favorite but the message of “birth as teacher and friend” rings true.

*Ina May also signed the infamous open letter written by

Mary Lou Singleton

and others to The Midwives Alliance of North America in opposition to the shifting of language to that which is “gender inclusive” in their core competencies (aka “mother erasure”). So Ina May is a fellow TERF and I couldn’t love it more (read more here if you want to be appalled at something extraordinarily stupid).

•The Scientification of Love by Michel Odent- I am not usually a fan of the male insistence to be relevant in the birth world but Odent is objectively insightful in his writing on the topic. The way he weaves anthropology, medicine, religion, science, literature and philosophy together to discuss birth, breastfeeding, sex, love, and connection is very smart and thought provoking. For example, he likens the natural positions of birth to the positions people assume to pray in:

“This vision of a mother 'going to another planet', on her hands and knees, is highly suggestive of the connection between birthing and praying.

If praying is ubiquitous, it is probably because it corresponds to a biological need. This is as pervasive as the need for transcendence. Like singing and laughing, praying is specifically human behaviour. Any study of homo sapiens should involve questioning the physiology and function of prayer. Praying effectively reduces the activity of the neocortical super-computer, and may help some people to reach another reality, out-of-space-and-time. We might argue that it is a way of reaching a reality that our cousins, the quadruped mammals, are still in touch with. They have no need of prayer. They do not need - from time to time - to rid themselves of the restlessness of a gigantic neocortex.”

He starts the book out by discussing how suicide, opiate addiction, anorexia nervosa and autism have all been linked in research to extremely traumatic (especially mechanically traumatic, such as birth that is facilitated by forceps) birth experiences (for the baby). While these studies are obviously not conclusive and unlikely to be replicated, this should give you an idea of the framework from which he builds his ideas, which are provocative to say the least and also very much relevant. He states the following in the book, something I think we all should take the time to consider (circumcision comes to mind):

“The greater the social need for aggression and an ability to destroy life, the more intrusive the rituals and beliefs have become in the period surrounding birth.”

•You are Your Child’s First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin Dancy- I don’t specifically follow Waldorf rhetoric in the teaching and guidance of my children and I don’t quite know how I feel about Steiner but there are aspects of it and his teachings that I enjoy and appreciate. Baldwin Dancy (who is a mother of 4 and also a midwife) was interviewed on the “Waldorfy” podcast years ago (linked below) and I truly enjoyed her approach to childrearing and the discussion around it so I ordered her book. I don’t actually live the word “empowered” but I do feel that it applies to her attitude on the value of the mothering role-I did feel ensouled with a sense of power and purpose as a mother in reading her work. Her focus on the mother’s role in shaping and developing the child’s creativity and imagination while also providing discipline and structure is very inspiring. She also provides very extensive recommendations for further reading, which I rather appreciated. A good read from a woman who knows from experience, something I am always interested in.

From the book:

“That we are plagued with so many questions, doubts, and guilt about how to raise our children is the result of living in a time of tremendous changes. Our culture no longer provides a strong and unified message about how children should be reared. In addition, most of us live separated from our own parents or other extended family who traditionally provided wisdom, help, and continuity in rearing children. The art of mothering was replaced by the science of parenting, yet many parents have come to question the values their own parents embraced in such practices as bottle feeding every four hours and letting the child "cry it out." As members of modern Western society, it is appropriate that we question everything, that we bring things to consciousness and go on to create something whole and nourishing.

For example, we found in questioning modern practices of technological intervention in birth that there is no such thing as "natural childbirth." All childbirth is influenced by the culture in which it takes place. It is not possible to just do it "naturally"; rather, we have to re-educate ourselves and try to bring our minds, bodies, and feelings into a new harmony, a new integration that will allow us to birth as complete human beings, with body, mind, and emotions working together.

The same is true of parenting. It is appropriate that we question What we are doing and that we discuss our attitudes and intentions with one another- but not in front of the children! It is beneficial for children to think we know what we are doing even if we aren’t sure of ourselves.”

•The Garden of Fertility by Katie Singer-

A practical guide to fertility awareness, a topic I had never even known existed until my mid twenties. I find this title to be a preferential alternative to the popular Taking Charge of Your Fertility (also very useful of course, I just prefer the writing here). This book gets into the basics of charting but also goes into circadian rhythms, nutrition, healing after loss, tracking while breastfeeding (which especially was relevant for me), the history of the different methods, and holistic remedies for issues that can reveal themselves in the course of learning your cycle (low progesterone, low temps, long follicular stages, lack of cervical fluid, among others). This is a book I love to have as a reference but I also love the way Singer relates to female physiology and it is a book I will have my daughters read when it becomes applicable to their lives. I appreciate Singer’s perception of charting as a “basic life skill” as well.

From the book:

“During the childbearing years, each menstrual cycle moves a woman through infertile, fertile, and again infertile phases. Like the earth's seasons, women move through a dry-infertile phase, then a moist-fertile phase, and again a dry-infertile phase. To observe your own fertility, the first step is learning reproductive anatomy.”

I have to add in a special mention for Essays on Woman by Edith Stein, which I am currently reading. This book is more representative of the sort of reading I am interested at this point in my literary self education. A foundation of truly understanding my own female physiology and human nature through books like these has allowed me to expand to more spiritual, emotional and philosophical work. I think this trajectory matters. In this book she states “Our world is going through a crisis of dehumanization, breakup of family life, a general loss of moral values.” Could anything be more relevant to today? I also appreciate her perception that the genius of woman can be applied to motherhood, religious life and also worldly profession. She states:

“Woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning.”

“To advance growth” feels like such a concise way to summarize the woman’s way. No matter the project—whether it be child, home, art, craft, thought, food and cuisine, career, or marriage, sisterhood and female friendship—women are seeking to advance growth, to expand reality, to multiply with fervor. This is the sort of life-impacting work I seek to both take in and put out going forward.

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Please share your own titles in the comments or create your own note or post! I would love to hear from

Katherine Louise DeGroot

Megan Borukhovsky

Kay Zinn

b brekke

Amelia Buzzard

Annelise Roberts

Jan

Amber M Hill

….among so many others!

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