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Emily Hancock's avatar

Thank you Amber! The context in which I most recently read the word vocation was actually when I looked up the website for the Norbertine Sisters after posting about their motherhood prayer yesterday and it certainly got me thinking about my use of this word as I had already written that part. They had a entire section of their website entitled “Vocations” and even had a Vocation Prayer (will copy and paste at the end of this, just because I thought it was nice). They also host “Days of Recollection” for people to help them with their discernment in terms of what God has willed for their life path.

I mention this all because it is just another perspective of what the word can mean (perhaps the most “true” meaning of the word at all!), and along with that, being that I am not privy to the sorts of religious circles which do hold judgment against women who choose to work, I suppose I could potentially come off as similarly judgmental without meaning to! I think there are certainly jobs that match up with vocation and I think the women who are blessed to have these things be in harmony with one another likely have the hardest time choosing whether or not to stay home with children. And I can understand that. I also think that is probably fairly uncommon, especially when the work is also well paid enough to justify paying for an optimal daycare.

I think because it is my personal experience, a lot of what I write on this topic is with women with young children who don’t really want to leave them and who don’t feel horribly passionate or called to their work but have to work for financial reasons in mind. I think about my coworkers crying on their first days back after maternity leave, watching their breastmilk supply lower, FaceTiming 3 month olds. That is the picture I hold when I wrote this.

The ego part of it all is a whole other thing too! I think you are spot on there, we all want to be seen as valuable and the simple fact is that being a stay at home mom and “nothing else” is not seen as something worth discussing in many circles. Which is strange, being that there are many who still believe it is our one true purpose. It’s just another situation where we are damned if we do, damned if we don’t.

All I know is, I don’t like being drawn and quartered between all my equally intense obligations and I know where my heart lies!

Thanks as always for reading and for good feedback, friend!

Vocation Prayer

God of wisdom and of counsel,

You see in my heart a sincere desire to please You alone

and to conform myself entirely to Your holy Will

in the choice of my state in life.

Grant me, I humbly implore You,

by the intercession of the Blessed Virgin, my Mother and my holy Patrons,

the grace to know what state in life I should choose

and to embrace it when known,

in order that thus I may seek

Your glory and increase it,

work out my own salvation,

and deserve the heavenly reward

which You have promised to those

who do Your holy Will.

Amen.

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Lucy Leader's avatar

I am older than you Emily, and a phrase that was very popular when I was in that oh so busy phase of a woman's life (with young children) was "every mother is a working mother", which I'm sure was created as more and more mothers felt forced by economic circumstances back into paid employment by women who felt lucky to be able to stay home and care for their families.

I also have a copy of this book on my shelf: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/698373.More_Work_For_Mother, which demonstrates that rather than saving women more efforts in 'good housekeeping', the addition of "labor saving appliances" more and more unreasonable standards were applied to measure our efforts by. So rather than win/win, it was really a lose/lose situation for women.

And then there's that ultimate declaration to justify mothers being separated from their children: "quality time". Which of course can be shown up as a bogus idea by simply switching the object from our children to our employers. How do you think most of us would get on if we told our boss that "I'm only going to be in working for four hours today, but they will all be quality time"?!

Naomi Stadlen has written a series of wonderful books on mothering, starting with this one: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1119381.What_Mothers_Do, which point out that nurturing a new human is not a "nothing" sort of job.

Referring to your Illich quote, Marilyn Waring (who, even as a childless lesbian understood what is at stake in ignoring women as mothers) wrote from an economic viewpoint about what happens to GDP when breastfeeding is invisible in the statistics of labor. https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/sunday/audio/2018675816/marilyn-waring-still-counting-the-value-of-women-s-unpaid-work

Thank you for your wonderful work Emily.

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