Congratulations and thank you for writing! I love birth and think it’s so cool, but I’m also a “let’s get this over with” type of laborer. Right now I’m 25 weeks with my fourth and dealing with kidney pain (I tend to get stones when pregnant) and so so SO looking forward to deliverance. This piece helped me see that in a more positive light, rather than simply “I want this discomfort to end.”
Oh thank you! I am hoping your pain is short lived and if not, that you have good support to get you through until your own deliverance ♥️ kidney stones are no joke, and to walk through that along with typical pregnancy symptoms is quite a trial, will be thinking of you!
Just beautiful! I truly love birth for all of the reasons you stated above, but “paradise of relief” is such an apt term and really captures that after-delivery feeling. 💕 congratulations to you on being delivered of such a sweet baby girl!
This is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. My heart raced when you described her presentation and the cord — but when I reread, I noticed no trace of anxiety in the words except maybe nurse-speak. Otherwise, strength.
I relate so much to your attitude toward birth. During my last (hospital) labor, I remember seeing the postpartum peri kit next to the toilet and wishing, for hours, for the relief I would feel in the moments I would be using it. It was a labor of straight up mental and physical work, gritty and humbling and exhausting. But what reward came! Thank you again for this story, it came to me at just the right time.
Thank you Leah. I will say there was urgency there but no anxiety, in those moments my brain and body were all action, no time for anxiety really! Honestly very similar to situations that come up as a nurse-if they are emergent I have no anxiety, it is more the anticipation of an emergency that brings on anxiety and not so much the emergency itself.
And oh the feelings that imagery of that peri kit and your feelings surrounding it evokes-I so know what you mean!
Beautiful. Tears of resonance <3 I’ve been having a lot of uncharacteristic worry and apprehension in gearing up to prepare to do it all over again- this helps assuage some of that. Thank you, Emily.
Oh Kay thank you, and I am glad. I felt a similarly uncharacteristic amount of anxiety and fear this time around and it was a lot to work through. I think for me it was this feeling of knowing I have done this three times before and came out unscathed but somehow surely I wouldn’t be so lucky again-it was like a strange guilt born of knowing that painful and heartbreaking things happen to other women all of the time, and why shouldn’t they happen to me too? This is likely due to my job I think, but I was wondering too if other mothers who are on their 4th or 5th or so on babies feel similar feelings? Or maybe it is just goes along with getting older? I’m not sure but I have a feeling this may be a common thread that just doesn’t get talked about a lot. I hope my saying all of this helps further assuage your feelings and not make them worse, I just want to express how much I relate to what you said here♥️
No that is exactly, exactly it. The scrapes I’ve suffered through my journey of motherhood are just absolutely nothing in comparison to what we hear women enduring every day- and I can’t help but feel that I’m tempting fate by thinking to continue on, rather than count my blessings and quit while I’m ahead. It does help to know this is most likely a common thread of anxiety. Motherhood, especially multiparous motherhood it would seem, just requires so much more courage than I would think myself capable of lol
I know exactly what you mean about courage and “tempting fate”, as anything involving such a level of risk inevitably dredges up those feelings I think, and when you add to it the experiences of other women we witness or hear about, I think it is just a normal reaction. I also think it is born of the love we have for our already born children a bit too.
I think this is where logic helps, assessing your own history and health and personal risk level and the options you have for support. Which is such an obvious piece of advice but honestly is what I had to keep bringing myself back to towards the end of this pregnancy. Being prepared, honing my knowledge, making plans for help when/if it is needed, etc. all helped my brain settle and then once I hit about 39 weeks or so, most of that anxiety melted away and I just felt ready. I think those last few weeks of pregnancy, while being the most physically painful, really served to calm my nerves and bring in that courage by way of gratitude and faith and intuition.
I’m excited for you as you open yourself up to expanding your family further!
My mom lost her third (anencephaly) and a hemorrhage noticed almost too late meant she lost the possibility of future low-risk pregnancies, too. I've been feeling so much anxiety with this (my third, God-willing, full-term pregnancy) and have wondered if it's family history or just an increasing awareness of how fragile life is and how the "luck" can't go on forever.
I’m sorry for your mother and family’s loss. I think being exposed to such stories, especially when they come from family, really can get in our heads. And really, they should, as they serve a purpose and have so much meaning, and allow us to make risk assessments from a place of understanding and knowledge. It sure doesn’t make it easy though, and getting older and wiser just means we pay a little more attention to them I think.
Your post and these comments are reassuring. I, too, am a “let’s get this over with” birther and also had a much harder pushing stage with my 4th baby, born in February, than the other 3. It took me by surprise, and I had to mentally coach myself through bringing my OP daughter into the world. The relief after is truly like no other experience this world offers.
Something about those 4th babies! I have heard many a time stories about OP babes and the trials they give their mothers (and surely themselves a bit too) in birth. I suppose we can just consider ourselves further initiated! Congratulations on your new baby ♥️
So beautiful! Congratulations!! I just recently was delivered of a daughter as well:) this quote really hit home for me and is so beautifully put: “The transference of motherly responsibility from the maternal body to the maternal mind, heart and hands is what is yielded here.”
How sweet. She is precious. Thank you for sharing this time of your life. That is so amazing you delivered her at home without doctor's and nurses buzzing around. That had to be the ultimate experience.
That is a lot of hair. 💕 This piece made me stop breathing a few times reading it. It expressed things I couldn’t find the words to express.
I am glad, friend ♥️ and yes, so much hair! I was very surprised by it!
Congratulations and thank you for writing! I love birth and think it’s so cool, but I’m also a “let’s get this over with” type of laborer. Right now I’m 25 weeks with my fourth and dealing with kidney pain (I tend to get stones when pregnant) and so so SO looking forward to deliverance. This piece helped me see that in a more positive light, rather than simply “I want this discomfort to end.”
Oh thank you! I am hoping your pain is short lived and if not, that you have good support to get you through until your own deliverance ♥️ kidney stones are no joke, and to walk through that along with typical pregnancy symptoms is quite a trial, will be thinking of you!
Just beautiful! I truly love birth for all of the reasons you stated above, but “paradise of relief” is such an apt term and really captures that after-delivery feeling. 💕 congratulations to you on being delivered of such a sweet baby girl!
Thank you Christina! The relief after birth truly is unlike anything else I have ever experienced, this is so true!
This is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. My heart raced when you described her presentation and the cord — but when I reread, I noticed no trace of anxiety in the words except maybe nurse-speak. Otherwise, strength.
I relate so much to your attitude toward birth. During my last (hospital) labor, I remember seeing the postpartum peri kit next to the toilet and wishing, for hours, for the relief I would feel in the moments I would be using it. It was a labor of straight up mental and physical work, gritty and humbling and exhausting. But what reward came! Thank you again for this story, it came to me at just the right time.
Thank you Leah. I will say there was urgency there but no anxiety, in those moments my brain and body were all action, no time for anxiety really! Honestly very similar to situations that come up as a nurse-if they are emergent I have no anxiety, it is more the anticipation of an emergency that brings on anxiety and not so much the emergency itself.
And oh the feelings that imagery of that peri kit and your feelings surrounding it evokes-I so know what you mean!
Now that you say that, I remember that difference: anticipating the emergency vs being in it.
Also, I failed to congratulate you! Congratulations! And my daughter shares one of the names. :)
Oh how wonderful! And thank you ♥️
Beautiful. Tears of resonance <3 I’ve been having a lot of uncharacteristic worry and apprehension in gearing up to prepare to do it all over again- this helps assuage some of that. Thank you, Emily.
Oh Kay thank you, and I am glad. I felt a similarly uncharacteristic amount of anxiety and fear this time around and it was a lot to work through. I think for me it was this feeling of knowing I have done this three times before and came out unscathed but somehow surely I wouldn’t be so lucky again-it was like a strange guilt born of knowing that painful and heartbreaking things happen to other women all of the time, and why shouldn’t they happen to me too? This is likely due to my job I think, but I was wondering too if other mothers who are on their 4th or 5th or so on babies feel similar feelings? Or maybe it is just goes along with getting older? I’m not sure but I have a feeling this may be a common thread that just doesn’t get talked about a lot. I hope my saying all of this helps further assuage your feelings and not make them worse, I just want to express how much I relate to what you said here♥️
No that is exactly, exactly it. The scrapes I’ve suffered through my journey of motherhood are just absolutely nothing in comparison to what we hear women enduring every day- and I can’t help but feel that I’m tempting fate by thinking to continue on, rather than count my blessings and quit while I’m ahead. It does help to know this is most likely a common thread of anxiety. Motherhood, especially multiparous motherhood it would seem, just requires so much more courage than I would think myself capable of lol
I know exactly what you mean about courage and “tempting fate”, as anything involving such a level of risk inevitably dredges up those feelings I think, and when you add to it the experiences of other women we witness or hear about, I think it is just a normal reaction. I also think it is born of the love we have for our already born children a bit too.
I think this is where logic helps, assessing your own history and health and personal risk level and the options you have for support. Which is such an obvious piece of advice but honestly is what I had to keep bringing myself back to towards the end of this pregnancy. Being prepared, honing my knowledge, making plans for help when/if it is needed, etc. all helped my brain settle and then once I hit about 39 weeks or so, most of that anxiety melted away and I just felt ready. I think those last few weeks of pregnancy, while being the most physically painful, really served to calm my nerves and bring in that courage by way of gratitude and faith and intuition.
I’m excited for you as you open yourself up to expanding your family further!
My mom lost her third (anencephaly) and a hemorrhage noticed almost too late meant she lost the possibility of future low-risk pregnancies, too. I've been feeling so much anxiety with this (my third, God-willing, full-term pregnancy) and have wondered if it's family history or just an increasing awareness of how fragile life is and how the "luck" can't go on forever.
I’m sorry for your mother and family’s loss. I think being exposed to such stories, especially when they come from family, really can get in our heads. And really, they should, as they serve a purpose and have so much meaning, and allow us to make risk assessments from a place of understanding and knowledge. It sure doesn’t make it easy though, and getting older and wiser just means we pay a little more attention to them I think.
Loved so much the way you described the concept of delivery. Beautiful, beautiful stuff.
And as I told you before, I'm thrilled to see another family embracing the name Evangeline. :)
Thank you Haley, and so delighted to have chosen a name for my baby also chosen by someone I admire for her own♥️
Ohhhh she is beautiful!!! And so is your essay. 🥰❤️🙏
Thank you so much Elizabeth!
What a lovely reflection on giving birth. May all your children bring blessing to your family and to the world.
Thank you so much Susan!
This is such a beautiful essay. And your girl is so darling! This is only worsening my baby fever. 😭
Thank you! I have to agree that she is and I think she is somehow giving ME baby fever 😂
I loved this SO much. So much truth to ponder, and inspiration for my own mothering. Thank you for this.
Oh I’m so happy for this! 🙏 thank you
Thank you for writing this. Heart tonic for mothers and loving people everywhere.
Thank you and also thank you for reading it!
Your post and these comments are reassuring. I, too, am a “let’s get this over with” birther and also had a much harder pushing stage with my 4th baby, born in February, than the other 3. It took me by surprise, and I had to mentally coach myself through bringing my OP daughter into the world. The relief after is truly like no other experience this world offers.
Something about those 4th babies! I have heard many a time stories about OP babes and the trials they give their mothers (and surely themselves a bit too) in birth. I suppose we can just consider ourselves further initiated! Congratulations on your new baby ♥️
So beautiful! Congratulations!! I just recently was delivered of a daughter as well:) this quote really hit home for me and is so beautifully put: “The transference of motherly responsibility from the maternal body to the maternal mind, heart and hands is what is yielded here.”
Oh thank you Mia and so so glad to hear this! So many congratulations to you ♥️
How sweet. She is precious. Thank you for sharing this time of your life. That is so amazing you delivered her at home without doctor's and nurses buzzing around. That had to be the ultimate experience.
Thank you so much Ann! The only nurse bussing around was me in my own head! ♥️
Very awesome. 🙏😊
Wonderful. A profound and spiritual take on the “birth story.” Honoured that you shared it with us.
You and Darla are so beautiful. ❤️
Awe thank you so much friend! I appreciate your reading of it ♥️
I am so happy for you and your family, Emily! Welcome earthside, baby Darla ♡♡♡
Thank you so much Laurel! ♥️♥️♥️