Thank you, Emily, for being one of the very few commentators on this that centers the most vulnerable humans on the planet: babies. The number of articles I have read that barely even mention babies (who are the ones who are actually at risk here, not the dudes in dresses who need babies as props for their performance art lives) has been staggering.
But not surprising because the surrogacy literature too seems to not realize that it's babies that are being created, bought and sold to satisfy the desires of adults (who claim the "human right" to "create a family" by whatever means they can afford).
When a woman is breastfeeding a baby, no one asks where she got the baby from, it's just assumed that she was pregnant and now she's feeding her baby. If some man with a kink fetish is "breastfeeding" a baby, we should all be asking where he got that baby, because he sure as hell didn't make it himself. Even if he contributed a sperm, from the baby's perspective he is a physiological and literal stranger. No baby ever popped out of a woman's body and asked, "where's my dad?" Since when have medics advocated for unregulated medical experimentation on babies?
The other factor that has escaped any notice is the detrimental effects on women's health who have babies and don't breastfeed them. We are more than Ezi-Bake ovens, we are complex human beings who are designed to birth and then breastfeed and when that doesn't happen, our bodies assume the baby has died and release some more eggs to have another try at it.
The biggest mistake of all though, is that we are even debating this in the first place. Disrupting the mother/baby dyad which is the mammalian norm for optimal development needs to have a really good reason to be done as it causes lifelong harm to women, babies and well, everyone actually. Satisfying the kinks of men who claim they can only be happy as women does not meet this threshold by any standards at all.
Firstly, I want to thank you for the same. You are a voice of reason and wisdom on these topics through and through.
What you mentioned here about asking where these babies are coming from is something I think about every time I see one of the vile photos that accompany these stories. Who is this baby, and who is letting this man effectively steal them to help satisfy his ridiculous whims? Even if he is biologically the father, the premise on which this act is based makes it woefully wrong-not to mention the experimental nature of any fluid he is able to force his body to make. This is why when people try and cite situations like the Aka Pygmy fathers who will suckle a baby while the mother is absent, my head just about pops off of my body! All of these people try to use these anomalies to validate their social and political opinions, meanwhile those are just fathers making do with what they have-there is no actual milk or strange intention.
I also appreciate your point about women who are not able to breastfeed the babies they birth-whether it is due to manufactured separation as with surrogacy or to a misled and lost mother allowing a man to try and “breastfeed”-the female body grieves this, you are absolutely right. To my point in the essay on breastfeeding as maternal duty, this adds the additional layer of breastfeeding as a need and want for mothers as well, not just their babies.
I also agree-there should be no debate. The fact that I felt compelled to write this is total insanity. In reality, it truly isn’t even debatable.
Thank you for writing this. This topic gets me so heated it’s hard to stay calm. My first thought when reading about all of this was… why couldn’t they just leave it alone? Why can’t we have this?
I’ve seen many people online talk about trans women wanting to “share the burden of breastfeeding” with their partners. But breastfeeding isn’t a burden. It is sacred, an induction into motherhood and full womanhood. It’s something women have been doing since the dawn of time.
You will never get me to believe that breast milk that has been bioengineered will ever come close to the same as the milk of a woman who has carried and birthed a baby and has breast milk that is perfectly made for her baby.
Not to mention the stigma around breastfeeding and the lack of resources for women who want to breastfeed. Instead of helping those women and improving breastfeeding rates to better public health, this is what we’re doing? GAH. I could go on and on and on about this.
I am in full alignment with you here. Breastfeeding isn’t a burden-it only can feel that way to some because our societal set up makes it so, and even so, it isn’t to be shared with a man. That is a demented sort of false charity.
The conversation and environment surrounding breastfeeding leaves a lot to be desired already and in adding this to the mix, these institutions are completely disregarding and disrespecting every women who has ever suckled a baby in the name of love and survival.
The "sharing the burden" argument is so obviously just an attempt to pretend it's being done for selfless reasons, it's almost funny (except that none of this is remotely funny). There are a hundred things a father can do to support his wife and child and protect the sanctity of the mother-infant dyad. So many great uses of his time, energy and health. Feed them, allow them to rest, look after older kids or organise others to help, find professional support for feeding if needed, pay attention to the midwife or LC in case your wife needs help latching, work and save money to be able to give them the time they need together...
Pumping your male body full of drugs, growing moobs and spending hours and hours on a pumping regimen to produce mere drops, while your wife endures pregnancy, labour and postpartum with your self-sbsorbed presence, is so far out of the realms of helpful or rational, I seriously fear for the state of the medical profession.
It really shouldn't go beyond "no baby should be used in this manner; no child should grow up having had this done to them," but alas.
YES--turning babies into props is exactly what this collective movement is doing. I can't help thinking of how modern sensibilities revolt against the notions of ancient child sacrifice while also actively choosing to sacrifice the physiological and psychological wellbeing of children today for the sake of adult desire. My highschooler just finished reading about Agamemnon's sacrifice of his daughter Iphigenia for the sake of fair winds to do battle against Troy. Of course that tale is considered an appalling example of what NOT to do as a father, but are we really so far from the spirit of that exact thing?
Your point here really evokes the truth of the matter! If you consider it that way, it becomes so blatantly obvious, which also tells us we have much to learn from history and literature. This absolutely is energetic, emotional and psychological child sacrifice, and it is being carried out by not just individuals but corporations.
Another phenomenal piece, Emily, thank you. I wonder if you've done any thinking about the thesis that all of this is a result of radical feminism? I have only read a portion of it, but I think this is sussed out fully in Carrie Gress' new book, The End of Woman. One of my side eye issues with the general discussion of this is how our culture seems to crucify women who share photos of their children online (mom influencers, trad wives, homemakers, mom bloggers), but find the selling of infants completely worthy of internet celebration.
Not as much as I would like to honestly! I own Carrie’s book but haven’t read it yet, this makes me all the more interested in finally getting into it though! That is such an apt point about the photos! It’s like we are able to pick apart certain, more surface level things, but the blatantly egregious things get ignored because they are framed in such a way that makes them seem harmless. It’s the marketing, all smoke and mirrors. I have thought about sharing photos of my children online quite a bit over the years and now limit it generally to “close friends” and I understand the thinking, especially now, but the good intention and pride we have as mothers when it comes to that should be considered. Of course we want to share our most important, precious thing! And at the same time, of course we want to protect it. It isn’t about seeing children as commodities (except when it is, I know some people do make a living off of their children and that is very strange and wrong to me).Very different from viewing babies as a literal good to be bought and sold.
Thank you for writing! Keep writing on this…you write so well. The rage I feel at the mockery all this makes of women is unreal, and it’s really calming to know that I am not alone in my thinking!
Thank you for reading and for your vulnerability with this comment. I’m continually baffled and appalled at the work and effort and resources being poured into this most evil venture. I continue to see research roll in in the lactation medical journals I get emails from, I continue to see La Leche League put out guidance and statements that support this abomination, and I see the language changing everywhere I look. It’s the definition of insanity and I am always encouraged to see others pushing back.
Thank you, Emily, for being one of the very few commentators on this that centers the most vulnerable humans on the planet: babies. The number of articles I have read that barely even mention babies (who are the ones who are actually at risk here, not the dudes in dresses who need babies as props for their performance art lives) has been staggering.
But not surprising because the surrogacy literature too seems to not realize that it's babies that are being created, bought and sold to satisfy the desires of adults (who claim the "human right" to "create a family" by whatever means they can afford).
When a woman is breastfeeding a baby, no one asks where she got the baby from, it's just assumed that she was pregnant and now she's feeding her baby. If some man with a kink fetish is "breastfeeding" a baby, we should all be asking where he got that baby, because he sure as hell didn't make it himself. Even if he contributed a sperm, from the baby's perspective he is a physiological and literal stranger. No baby ever popped out of a woman's body and asked, "where's my dad?" Since when have medics advocated for unregulated medical experimentation on babies?
The other factor that has escaped any notice is the detrimental effects on women's health who have babies and don't breastfeed them. We are more than Ezi-Bake ovens, we are complex human beings who are designed to birth and then breastfeed and when that doesn't happen, our bodies assume the baby has died and release some more eggs to have another try at it.
The biggest mistake of all though, is that we are even debating this in the first place. Disrupting the mother/baby dyad which is the mammalian norm for optimal development needs to have a really good reason to be done as it causes lifelong harm to women, babies and well, everyone actually. Satisfying the kinks of men who claim they can only be happy as women does not meet this threshold by any standards at all.
Firstly, I want to thank you for the same. You are a voice of reason and wisdom on these topics through and through.
What you mentioned here about asking where these babies are coming from is something I think about every time I see one of the vile photos that accompany these stories. Who is this baby, and who is letting this man effectively steal them to help satisfy his ridiculous whims? Even if he is biologically the father, the premise on which this act is based makes it woefully wrong-not to mention the experimental nature of any fluid he is able to force his body to make. This is why when people try and cite situations like the Aka Pygmy fathers who will suckle a baby while the mother is absent, my head just about pops off of my body! All of these people try to use these anomalies to validate their social and political opinions, meanwhile those are just fathers making do with what they have-there is no actual milk or strange intention.
I also appreciate your point about women who are not able to breastfeed the babies they birth-whether it is due to manufactured separation as with surrogacy or to a misled and lost mother allowing a man to try and “breastfeed”-the female body grieves this, you are absolutely right. To my point in the essay on breastfeeding as maternal duty, this adds the additional layer of breastfeeding as a need and want for mothers as well, not just their babies.
I also agree-there should be no debate. The fact that I felt compelled to write this is total insanity. In reality, it truly isn’t even debatable.
Thank you for writing this. This topic gets me so heated it’s hard to stay calm. My first thought when reading about all of this was… why couldn’t they just leave it alone? Why can’t we have this?
I’ve seen many people online talk about trans women wanting to “share the burden of breastfeeding” with their partners. But breastfeeding isn’t a burden. It is sacred, an induction into motherhood and full womanhood. It’s something women have been doing since the dawn of time.
You will never get me to believe that breast milk that has been bioengineered will ever come close to the same as the milk of a woman who has carried and birthed a baby and has breast milk that is perfectly made for her baby.
Not to mention the stigma around breastfeeding and the lack of resources for women who want to breastfeed. Instead of helping those women and improving breastfeeding rates to better public health, this is what we’re doing? GAH. I could go on and on and on about this.
I am in full alignment with you here. Breastfeeding isn’t a burden-it only can feel that way to some because our societal set up makes it so, and even so, it isn’t to be shared with a man. That is a demented sort of false charity.
The conversation and environment surrounding breastfeeding leaves a lot to be desired already and in adding this to the mix, these institutions are completely disregarding and disrespecting every women who has ever suckled a baby in the name of love and survival.
The "sharing the burden" argument is so obviously just an attempt to pretend it's being done for selfless reasons, it's almost funny (except that none of this is remotely funny). There are a hundred things a father can do to support his wife and child and protect the sanctity of the mother-infant dyad. So many great uses of his time, energy and health. Feed them, allow them to rest, look after older kids or organise others to help, find professional support for feeding if needed, pay attention to the midwife or LC in case your wife needs help latching, work and save money to be able to give them the time they need together...
Pumping your male body full of drugs, growing moobs and spending hours and hours on a pumping regimen to produce mere drops, while your wife endures pregnancy, labour and postpartum with your self-sbsorbed presence, is so far out of the realms of helpful or rational, I seriously fear for the state of the medical profession.
It really shouldn't go beyond "no baby should be used in this manner; no child should grow up having had this done to them," but alas.
YES--turning babies into props is exactly what this collective movement is doing. I can't help thinking of how modern sensibilities revolt against the notions of ancient child sacrifice while also actively choosing to sacrifice the physiological and psychological wellbeing of children today for the sake of adult desire. My highschooler just finished reading about Agamemnon's sacrifice of his daughter Iphigenia for the sake of fair winds to do battle against Troy. Of course that tale is considered an appalling example of what NOT to do as a father, but are we really so far from the spirit of that exact thing?
Your point here really evokes the truth of the matter! If you consider it that way, it becomes so blatantly obvious, which also tells us we have much to learn from history and literature. This absolutely is energetic, emotional and psychological child sacrifice, and it is being carried out by not just individuals but corporations.
Another phenomenal piece, Emily, thank you. I wonder if you've done any thinking about the thesis that all of this is a result of radical feminism? I have only read a portion of it, but I think this is sussed out fully in Carrie Gress' new book, The End of Woman. One of my side eye issues with the general discussion of this is how our culture seems to crucify women who share photos of their children online (mom influencers, trad wives, homemakers, mom bloggers), but find the selling of infants completely worthy of internet celebration.
Not as much as I would like to honestly! I own Carrie’s book but haven’t read it yet, this makes me all the more interested in finally getting into it though! That is such an apt point about the photos! It’s like we are able to pick apart certain, more surface level things, but the blatantly egregious things get ignored because they are framed in such a way that makes them seem harmless. It’s the marketing, all smoke and mirrors. I have thought about sharing photos of my children online quite a bit over the years and now limit it generally to “close friends” and I understand the thinking, especially now, but the good intention and pride we have as mothers when it comes to that should be considered. Of course we want to share our most important, precious thing! And at the same time, of course we want to protect it. It isn’t about seeing children as commodities (except when it is, I know some people do make a living off of their children and that is very strange and wrong to me).Very different from viewing babies as a literal good to be bought and sold.
Shared with my Terfy group. Great article!
Thank you so much! Delighted to be getting circulated amongst the terfy ladies!
Amazingly written. This is TRUTH to its core. Thank you for sharing
and thank you for reading!
Deeply touched by your work.
Thank you for writing! Keep writing on this…you write so well. The rage I feel at the mockery all this makes of women is unreal, and it’s really calming to know that I am not alone in my thinking!
Thank you for reading and for your vulnerability with this comment. I’m continually baffled and appalled at the work and effort and resources being poured into this most evil venture. I continue to see research roll in in the lactation medical journals I get emails from, I continue to see La Leche League put out guidance and statements that support this abomination, and I see the language changing everywhere I look. It’s the definition of insanity and I am always encouraged to see others pushing back.