Yes, motherhood has been a redemption! My story is different, but I WAS the kind of girl who learned things the hard way. I was a broken young woman too, and my first marriage was to an addict. I know it’s not the same, but I’m not sure you can actually get much closer to being an addict than loving and having children with one. What you talked about is what made it so hard to leave him- I understood his brokenness. That’s not something most people can understand.
As soon as I became a mother I began to feel whole and it’s been a beautiful and heartbreaking journey ever since. I realized when reading your article that this is the foundation upon which I stand- adamantly against most of what our culture has to teach and instead choosing my own path- to homeschool, homebirth, think for ourselves etc. I reject all that undermines the family and our unique power as women and choose to be free- for myself and for my children, so that they can grow up whole.
Your article brought tears to my eyes because I felt so much of it- thank you for your vulnerability.
Oh thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me. I hope you have found peace for that situation and time in your life. While I was an addict myself, I also know the experience of being in love with one too. I know how desperate and lonely and heartbreaking it truly is.
I also love what you said about rejecting all that undermines the family-this is the key. Strong families with level-headed and steadfast mothers (and fathers!) are what can turn all that is lost around.
Once again you deliver a well written and honest piece that offers a path forward that includes a reimagining of the past.
I think many women who are now in their 30s and 40s can fully empathize with the sentiment that somehow our culture sold us a false bag of goods in the name of feminism and woman's empowerment. If you haven't read Bridget Phetasy's essay "I Regret Being a Slut" I think you will find her sentiment echoes what you speak of here.
There are many reasons to dissociate with our current cultural paradigm and it makes sense to get caught up in substances and sex. Especially in the transformative years of teens and early twenties. It makes sense but it still isn't right, there has been so many casualties in the name of modernity.
A big hope I have is to teach my children ways to cope with this troubled world that lead them down a path that is different then both you and I traveled. For it is really hard work to pull yourself up out of a deep hole you dug yourself into. It requires a lot of forgiveness, unlearning, apologies, and soul searching. While I wouldn't trade the immense knowledge I gained from my dark night of my soul times, I hope my children can access that knowledge without having to experience such a deep hole. Because so many people I know never made it out of their holes, they are either still trapped there or decided this world was too dark of a place to live in entirely.
I hope we can find a more natural path through the cultural bramble so our children get to understand danger but also not self inflict it.
“The cultural bramble”-I love this phrase so much! It’s such a perfect, tangible visual of the entanglement we are all writhing about in just trying not to get too scratched up.
I feel the same about my children. I know kids need to fail and be a little bit reckless to learn but I agree, the hole doesn’t need to be so deep. It’s a ever-present hope i hold in my heart that they will stumble but not fall off the cliff the way I did.
It’s so funny you recommended that article, I just started listening to her podcast a few weeks ago! Probably very late to the party but I love her perspective and way of relating to people! I will definitely read that, just from the title I know it will be valuable for me.
Thank you as always for your feedback and for taking the time to read my writing!
So beautifully vulnerable, deep, and moving. I, too, was a hypersensitive girl who felt assaulted by the culture and engaged in many acts of self-destruction in wayward coping. I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't remember much of my childhood because I was so disconnected from my soul, and those connections are now thankfully being restored through marriage, motherhood, and a burgeoning authentic community of fellow culture-rejectors.
It’s always nice to see my own feelings and experiences and perceptions reflected back to me in the way you just did, so thank you. I also have similar memory issues surrounding certain times of life as well and have wondered the same. So monumental is it to have found our way through the fog of it all ♥️
I read the line: “I say it only proliferated problems that were already there and put the children who were witness to this media in a state of high-alert paranoia.” & it cracked my heart open and I weeped because I was that child. I can feel so tenderly how I was just a kid and how that was not all mine to take on. I remember the tabloids so well. It scared the shit out of me.
I could never figure out “why” I was the way I was, why I was my special blend of mess because nothing ever “happened to me.”
“If alcohol melted away the rigidity of modernity, heroin annihilated it.” Haven’t related so hard to a sentence in quite some time. Thank you so much, Emily. I finally read this one, and I found it to be deeply moving. While I am not yet a mother, I had tears in my eyes at your plea for those of us who have left this way of life in search of our true nature to become the examples our daughters need most. On my darkest days, of which there have been many recently, these are the types of calls to action and potent reminders that keep me present to why I am here. I really appreciate all you have articulated about the connections between addiction and a disconnect from our feminine human nature. Though I am many years into my own recovery journey, there are aspects of this that you have gleaned and illuminated through your words that have inspired deeper insights for me and that feel very timely for me to be reading right now. I feel very grateful that our paths have crossed in this life. Thank you again ♥️
Yes, motherhood has been a redemption! My story is different, but I WAS the kind of girl who learned things the hard way. I was a broken young woman too, and my first marriage was to an addict. I know it’s not the same, but I’m not sure you can actually get much closer to being an addict than loving and having children with one. What you talked about is what made it so hard to leave him- I understood his brokenness. That’s not something most people can understand.
As soon as I became a mother I began to feel whole and it’s been a beautiful and heartbreaking journey ever since. I realized when reading your article that this is the foundation upon which I stand- adamantly against most of what our culture has to teach and instead choosing my own path- to homeschool, homebirth, think for ourselves etc. I reject all that undermines the family and our unique power as women and choose to be free- for myself and for my children, so that they can grow up whole.
Your article brought tears to my eyes because I felt so much of it- thank you for your vulnerability.
Oh thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me. I hope you have found peace for that situation and time in your life. While I was an addict myself, I also know the experience of being in love with one too. I know how desperate and lonely and heartbreaking it truly is.
I also love what you said about rejecting all that undermines the family-this is the key. Strong families with level-headed and steadfast mothers (and fathers!) are what can turn all that is lost around.
Once again you deliver a well written and honest piece that offers a path forward that includes a reimagining of the past.
I think many women who are now in their 30s and 40s can fully empathize with the sentiment that somehow our culture sold us a false bag of goods in the name of feminism and woman's empowerment. If you haven't read Bridget Phetasy's essay "I Regret Being a Slut" I think you will find her sentiment echoes what you speak of here.
There are many reasons to dissociate with our current cultural paradigm and it makes sense to get caught up in substances and sex. Especially in the transformative years of teens and early twenties. It makes sense but it still isn't right, there has been so many casualties in the name of modernity.
A big hope I have is to teach my children ways to cope with this troubled world that lead them down a path that is different then both you and I traveled. For it is really hard work to pull yourself up out of a deep hole you dug yourself into. It requires a lot of forgiveness, unlearning, apologies, and soul searching. While I wouldn't trade the immense knowledge I gained from my dark night of my soul times, I hope my children can access that knowledge without having to experience such a deep hole. Because so many people I know never made it out of their holes, they are either still trapped there or decided this world was too dark of a place to live in entirely.
I hope we can find a more natural path through the cultural bramble so our children get to understand danger but also not self inflict it.
https://bridgetphetasy.substack.com/p/slut-regret
“The cultural bramble”-I love this phrase so much! It’s such a perfect, tangible visual of the entanglement we are all writhing about in just trying not to get too scratched up.
I feel the same about my children. I know kids need to fail and be a little bit reckless to learn but I agree, the hole doesn’t need to be so deep. It’s a ever-present hope i hold in my heart that they will stumble but not fall off the cliff the way I did.
It’s so funny you recommended that article, I just started listening to her podcast a few weeks ago! Probably very late to the party but I love her perspective and way of relating to people! I will definitely read that, just from the title I know it will be valuable for me.
Thank you as always for your feedback and for taking the time to read my writing!
So beautifully vulnerable, deep, and moving. I, too, was a hypersensitive girl who felt assaulted by the culture and engaged in many acts of self-destruction in wayward coping. I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't remember much of my childhood because I was so disconnected from my soul, and those connections are now thankfully being restored through marriage, motherhood, and a burgeoning authentic community of fellow culture-rejectors.
It’s always nice to see my own feelings and experiences and perceptions reflected back to me in the way you just did, so thank you. I also have similar memory issues surrounding certain times of life as well and have wondered the same. So monumental is it to have found our way through the fog of it all ♥️
Thank you, thank you for all of this.
I read the line: “I say it only proliferated problems that were already there and put the children who were witness to this media in a state of high-alert paranoia.” & it cracked my heart open and I weeped because I was that child. I can feel so tenderly how I was just a kid and how that was not all mine to take on. I remember the tabloids so well. It scared the shit out of me.
I could never figure out “why” I was the way I was, why I was my special blend of mess because nothing ever “happened to me.”
It’s all of this.
This whole piece really spoke to me.
Thank you Emily
Your final paragraph has me weeping. Thank you ❤️🔥
“If alcohol melted away the rigidity of modernity, heroin annihilated it.” Haven’t related so hard to a sentence in quite some time. Thank you so much, Emily. I finally read this one, and I found it to be deeply moving. While I am not yet a mother, I had tears in my eyes at your plea for those of us who have left this way of life in search of our true nature to become the examples our daughters need most. On my darkest days, of which there have been many recently, these are the types of calls to action and potent reminders that keep me present to why I am here. I really appreciate all you have articulated about the connections between addiction and a disconnect from our feminine human nature. Though I am many years into my own recovery journey, there are aspects of this that you have gleaned and illuminated through your words that have inspired deeper insights for me and that feel very timely for me to be reading right now. I feel very grateful that our paths have crossed in this life. Thank you again ♥️